Love Letter To My Mom

Dear Mom,

Today is not the 1st time you’ve crossed my mind in the past few weeks.  I thought of you when i put up my Christmas tree a few weeks earlier than most, remembering this was your favorite time of the year.  I remembered you as I slowly looked @ my Christmas List of gifts to buy, wrap & give but just as the Christmas spirit filled my heart & the nostalgia filled the air, i came to the realization that my wallet was smaller than my list.  Just as the bah humbug-ness started to set in, I remembered you.  I remembered how generous & giving you were.  How a gift given out of sacrifice no matter how big or how small it was, was the best gift of all…

I remember you @ random moments in my life.  Like when I hear a certain song, eat a certain dish or smell a certain smell.  I remember you when seeing certain people on FB that used to be important ppl in our lives & realize they are now just acquaintances.. Sometimes it seems that you were the glue that kept us all together.

I remember you when I look @ my sister.  She has a lot of your physical traits…  but more so because, she has that way of carrying a broken heart but slapping on a smile for the sake of those she loves.  And just as I did when I looked @ you back then, I know that I’m not enough to make it better.  But I know that on my knees, HE is  more than enough.

I remember you when I look @ my Dad.  How he’s aged & how he’s changed… and I wonder what you would look like today.  I see you in that spot he reserved in his heart.. It comes thru in his eyes @ times.  Even as a kid, I knew that my parents weren’t living the fairytale love affair… but I also had that child-like hope that happily ever after was still destined for the both of you…  Inspite of it all, I did see ‘love’.  I think that would’ve been enough.   Sometimes, I need to believe that when going thru rough patches in my marriage.  Love is enough.  That’s all that matters.

I remember you when I look @ my husband… wishing you got to know him better.  He’s a lot like you.  He’s that lover of life, glass half full kind of person.  I remember you throughout our marriage.  Through the good times wishing you were there to share them with us, and even through the bad times… wishing you were there to see me through.  Those are the times that keep me fighting for fairy tales & happily ever afters, because I know you would never give up.  I remember you, when we come out of the storms hand in hand knowing that love is enough.  God’s love.  The love that abounds when your heart gets weak.. The love that takes us to happily ever after.

I remember you when I look @ my son.   How I wish that he had met his Lola, who is super bait, super pretty & just a Superwoman all around.  I pray that I can whittle a little bit of that power that you had over me so that I can instill that same goodness, selflessness & love into his heart when he looks @ me, just as I felt as I looked @ you… and as I feel as you are remembered.

These are just some of the many moments you’ve crossed my mind.  I think I carry you everywhere.  I still hear your voice in my everyday… I thank God that you are still ever present thru every moment my heart beats.  I miss you Mom.  I remember you today, your birthday.  I celebrate you not with  balloons, candles or fanfare, but with admiration, longing, gratitude & love.  I know that the angels rejoice today & the heavens resound because they celebrate you.

Happy birthday Mommy! 

I miss you more than you know!