leaving work on Friday, i was so overjoyed for one, because I had survived a whole week without calling in sick. the past few months have been pretty rough for me – healthwise, that a whole week straight is such a big accomplishment for me. and trust me, i have been tempted throughout the whole week to break my streak.
all these issues have made me cynical and have forced me into random bouts of self-pity.. which is so not like me. even when i’m @ the lowest of lows i’m usually one to say “screw you – messed up life! you aren’t going to bring me down – cuz i am super woman!” hahaha!! ok maybe not quite as dramatic but my point is, i am usually faithful in… faith. you know? faith that @ your lowest things can only get better. but not as of late…
lately when i take a look @ my life I see twists that i never would’ve chosen if i were in control… turns, that i never would’ve taken if I had known better… consequences for actions that weren’t even my own, and predicaments that lay before me that i never once asked for. i’ve realized that i am not superwoman but merely human.
maybe it’s the fact that my birthday is just around the corner, that i’m shedding that feeling of invincibility brought on by youth. all i know is i’ve suddenly become more aware of the trials i’ve been thru thus far, those that i see on the horizon and what kind of person these have made me become. am i purely just cynical or just humanly able to feel the consequences of loss? am i angry/hurt or do these things give my heart reason to beat harder and stronger? am i faithless or so faithful that my dreams take flight before my reality catches up to them? am i thankful still?
walking into the elevator, my co-worker walks in… he lost his daughter in a fatal collision involving a drunk driver not too long ago. i know what it’s like to lose a child and everytime i see him I can’t help but wonder what his life is like. is he still grieving? has he moved on? is he angry/hurt? faithless? the elevator door closes and i say, “another day – we survived.” and he says w/ a smile, “thank God for Friday’s – life is good!”
He’s thankful… still.
i may not be superwoman but i know that cliche as it may sound, things do happen for a reason. the trials i’ve been through have made me believe that yes, I am strong enough, super enough and faithful enough to face whatever lies ahead.. because i know that i am not alone. I am thankful for a God who sees me through, who helps me testify that yes, i survived – yes i am human – yes i am thankful because He is more than enough.
Happy 37th Birthday to me!
Life is good…
…and i’m thankful still. 
